Three expert reviewers — trained by senior product designers & growth marketers — simultaneously tear apart your design, UX, copy, SEO & performance. No single-perspective bias. Just a triple-threat consensus roast.
One-time payment · €7 · 3 expert verdicts in minutes · No fluff
Not a vague PDF full of screenshots. A sharp, prioritised verdict you can act on today.
Design & Visual Hierarchy
Does it look like it was built in 2009? We’ll say so.
UX & Navigation
Every confusing flow, missing CTA, and dead end.
Copy & Messaging
Is your headline gibberish? Does anyone know what you sell?
Mobile Experience
Half your traffic is mobile. Is it broken? Probably.
SEO Basics
Title tags, meta descriptions, heading structure — checked.
Performance Red Flags
Slow load times, unoptimised images, blocking scripts.
Every other tool gives you one opinion. We run three independent expert reviewers — simultaneously. When all three agree your headline is trash, you know it's really trash.
Design Analyst
UX & Visual
Methodical, precise, and deeply analytical. Catches subtle UX anti-patterns others miss.
Copy Strategist
Content & SEO
Broad knowledge, sharp copy critique. Spots the clichés you thought were clever.
Growth Auditor
Conversion & Performance
Unfiltered and direct. The one that says what the other two were too polite to say.
ALL 3 RUN IN PARALLEL · CONSENSUS SCORES · EXPERT-BACKED ANALYSIS
Here's a real roast we ran on a well-known site. Your report looks just like this.
Needs Work
Verdict: This site has strong technical foundations but the messaging is a disaster. Three experts independently flagged the headline as meaningless corporate jargon. The mobile navigation is broken and nobody told you because they just left instead. Fix the copy, fix the CTA hierarchy, and you could jump 2-3 points overnight.
Design Expert
Visual & Interface
The hero section is drowning in a gradient soup that screams 2019 Dribbble shot. Your type hierarchy is nonexistent — I count four font sizes that are within 2px of each other. Users don't know where to look first, so they look away.
Marketing Expert
Copy & Messaging
"Innovative solutions for modern businesses." Congratulations — a plumber, a law firm, and a SaaS startup all share your exact headline. What do you actually sell? Who is this for? I genuinely cannot tell after reading your entire above-the-fold.
UX Expert
Growth & Performance
Your hamburger menu doesn't close when you tap a link. Every mobile visitor has to manually dismiss it after every single click. This has probably been broken for a year and nobody told you — they just bounced.
Your roast includes all 3 expert reviews + consensus scores + prioritised action list
Triple Expert Website Roast
Three expert reviewers roast your site in parallel. You get individual verdicts — plus consensus scores and a combined action plan.
Secure checkout via Stripe · Redirects straight to your results · No subscription
No catch. It’s €7. We built our proprietary review methodology in-house, so the marginal cost is low and we’d rather have 1000 happy customers than charge €200 for the same thing. You get a full, honest audit — not a teaser to upsell you.
You enter your website URL before checkout, pay once, and land straight on your results page. Three independent expert reviewers analyse your site in parallel, then the page loads all three verdicts plus consensus scores in a few minutes.
Any public website. SaaS products, agencies, freelancer portfolios, e-commerce stores, local businesses — if it’s on the internet and you want honest feedback, we’ll roast it.
Fair question. Most audit tools give you one opinion and produce generic garbage. We run three independent reviewers with distinct specialties — when all three independently flag the same issue, you know it’s real. The consensus approach eliminates single-perspective bias and catches things any one reviewer would miss.
Each reviewer has different strengths and blind spots. Our Design Analyst is meticulous and analytical. The Copy Strategist has broad knowledge and sharp instincts. The Growth Auditor is unfiltered and catches what the others were too polite to say. Together, they give you a verdict no single review can match.
3 experts. One brutal verdict. €7 to find out what's really wrong with your site.
GET MY EXPERT ROAST — €7